Part 1
The Boy Who Raved, Part 1
The Philosopher's Rave
Where it all begins — an unwanted baby becomes magic royalty, meets a giant biker, shops at wizard Walmart, and defeats evil by touching it really hard. All set to downtempo glitch, psytrance, and industrial techno.
Tracklist
01
Unwanted Baby Mail
A baby is dumped on a doorstep by a glowing grandpa wizard and a shape-shifting cat lady. The kid grows up in the care of his emotionally bankrupt relatives who shove him in a closet and feed him misery casserole.
02
Massive Bearded Stranger Kidnaps Child
On his 11th birthday, Closet Boy meets a giant biker who tells him he's actually magic royalty. Family abduction ensues, but the kid is weirdly chill about being whisked away by a stranger.
03
Shopping Spree in Wizard Walmart
Bearded Stranger takes Closet Boy to a bizarre shopping mall where owls are sold like smartphones and a creepy wand salesman basically imprints on him. Oh, and money appears from nowhere because dead parents are rich.
04
Train Ride to Nerd Boarding School
Closet Boy meets Ginger Snack and Brainy Frizz Queen on a train filled with sugar-coated ADHD fuel. Instant BFFs—because no one else will sit with them.
05
Talking Hat Performs Sorting Ceremony
A sweaty old hat yells inside children's heads and decides their destiny. Closet Boy is sent to the "generic good guys" group, where scarves are mandatory.
06
Flying Broom Sports is Apparently Education
Instead of math, children are yeeted into the sky on wooden sticks and nearly die while chasing golden insects. Closet Boy turns out to be freakishly good at not falling.
07
Three Kids Break Into Dog Room
Closet Boy, Ginger Snack, and Brainy Frizz Queen find a trapdoor guarded by a three-headed mutt that clearly skipped obedience school. Instead of telling adults, they decide trespassing is better.
08
Chess With Mortal Consequences
Later, they must play life-sized chess where Ginger Snack almost gets turned into pavement. Turns out, child endangerment is just extracurricular.
09
Creepy Professor Face Swap
The real villain is revealed: Shaky Professor has an evil bald parasite growing out of the back of his head. Closet Boy defeats him by… touching him really hard until he crumbles like an overbaked cookie.
10
Back to Cupboard Life
School year ends. Closet Boy goes back to the closet relatives but now smugly knows he's magic royalty, so screw them.
